If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
