I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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