I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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