so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
