I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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