Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
