Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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