im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
