home. puking in laundry basket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
