Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
