He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
