Umm I'm too high to move.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
