I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We're too hungover to prance.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
