Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
