I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
