I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
