What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
