As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
