I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
