I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You need Xanax blowdarts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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