Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
