One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
