dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
