About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
