Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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