He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
