God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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