so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
