Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
