be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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