P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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