I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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