Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
