Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
