I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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