ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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