Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
