he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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