this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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