Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
