I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My dick has a subreddit
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
