Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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