That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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