Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
