dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
