Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
