she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
