I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
