Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to calm my uterus...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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