that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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