i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Houston, we have a squirter
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
