i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
