Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
