I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no, he came in my armpit
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
