I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
