Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
