I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
