If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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