I'm eating all of the evidence.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
