I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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