i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
