i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
